Just - For - Fun Corner
1.A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
2.A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?"... The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. ...Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
3.Then there was the man who was in a terrible car crash, and the doctor told him that his left leg would have to be amputated.... When he woke up from the operation the doctor said "I have some good news for you and some bad news. First the bad news; we cut off the wrong leg. Now the good news; your other leg is getting better."... Only it didn't get better, and they had to cut the other leg off too. The victim was planning to sue, but his lawyer advised him not to because ". . . he didn't have a leg to stand on".
4.Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, I have some good news and some bad news. First the bad news, we're hopelessly lost. Now the good news, we're ahead of schedule.
5.Then there was the man who was in a terrible car crash, and the doctor told him that his left leg would have to be amputated.... When he woke up from the operation the doctor said "I have some good news for you and some bad news. First the bad news; we cut off the wrong leg. Now the good news; your other leg is getting better."... Only it didn't get better, and they had to cut the other leg off too. The victim was planning to sue, but his lawyer advised him not to because ". . . he didn't have a leg to stand on".
6.A man walks into a bar with a pig one day and he goes to the bartender and says "Do you serve lawyers here?"... The bartender says "We certainly do."... The man than says "Great I'll have a bottle of beer and my pig here will take a lawyer."
7.A young engineering student started working at a factory as vacation training. The foreman was a little busy so he handed the student a broom and asked him to sweep the floor. ... The student began to protest, indicating he was after all, an engineering student. 'Oh sorry" said the foreman, "this is how you do it......"
8.Barth went to Dr. Legget to get a cavity filled. He escorted Barth to the chair and gave him some novocaine. Legget returned a few moments later, told him to open wide, and then reached for his drill.... Suddenly the dentist stiffened and said to the man, "Mr. Barth, do you realize your hand is clutching my testicles?"... "Certainly, Doctor," he replied. "We're not going to hurt each other, are we?"
